Time and Time Again

I have failed the God who came and died for me.
He shed His blood on Calvary,
And yet I still shame Him,
Time and time again.
On my own I know that I can never be
Good enough to be worthy
Of the grace that You give,
Time and time again
And though I try, I never win. I fall to sin
Time and time again.
You lift me up, and brush me off
Forgive my sins, and call me “friend”
You show me love, and you reach down
And hold my hand.
What precious love, the purest love,
Unmatchable love!
You reach down
And hold my hand,
Time and time again.

Oh! To Know My Maker More!

You reached down into my pit,
You called me out by my name.
I was ashamed, a real disgrace
You called me near, looked into my face:
You said, “I know you,
I made you! I love you!
Come forth, child, be made new!”
And I said, “Please, dear Lord,
shape my heart to look like yours,
To follow you, and mirror you;
Let me know my Maker more."

Poem in reflection of previous post; Clay.

I’ve been hardened by the world,
My perspective has been flawed,
But you hold me in your hands
Your precious clay;
Don’t let me slip through your fingers.
Warm my heart! Stretch my will!
Mold into beauty this life that is yours!
You’re the potter, and I am clay,
Show me that I’m Your treasure.
Hollow me out. Set me apart.
Stamp your name on this waiting heart
Fill me up with the Joy of the Lord!
Give me purpose in serving You.
Make my image to reflect You.

Surprise! Look right before your eyes
and see what you did not expect.
Expecting? How can I be so presumptuous?
To limit His will for my life.
Who am I? A follower, a shadow of His love
yet wanting to share what I have.
Too little? My fear, is to be passed by
do I have enough to offer?
But I once heard it said "it is not what you
have, but it is the God that you serve.
In due time-- He will show you, be patient,
young child, just listen and wait for His word.
He speaks, in ways that we may overlook
we need to slow down and see.
Let his love sweetly guide,
as we stay close beside
through my weakest points
He'll carry me.

Clay

Some analogies that the Bible makes are a little bit of a long-shot for me to take to heart, but there is one that rings so true to my life. I only recently realized how much it truly represents me. Totally a mirror of my life. First, however, I'd like to give a little 'stage-setting'. I was raised in a Christian home, with Christian values, and lived them out as well as I knew how. I sat in church, listened to sermons, cried, repented, and went back to my own life. It was natural, comfortable, and relatively painless. It was not until recently that I realized how stubborn I truly am. I'll just say, it's more stubborn than I'd like to admit. I realized I have held on tight, when I should have been letting go. Pardon the cliche, but I'd been comfortable behind the 'wheel' of my life. I had a death-grip on the wheel, asking God to take it. I was white-knuckled, and God in His love always let me have my way. He shakes His head at me, rolls His eyes, knowing what will happen if I pilot myself. He whispers, He does not force His way in. Predictably, I spiral off course on my own with a hardened heart. If you have not yet guessed, my Biblical analogy, the one that fits me best, is clay. If you have ever worked with clay, you know it does not start out pretty. It comes from the ground, underneath layers of earth. I had layers of hurt piled on my sinful heart. Clay has to be 'purified', I was NOT pure. I had twigs, bugs, and pebbles caked into my soul. All those things I held onto, white-knuckled, had to be released (pulled out, rather) in order to be worked with. Once the clay has all the junk out, it is still hard. It takes some pounding, stretching, molding, and kneading out in order to be soft enough to be worked with. I had to be forgiven, humbled, humiliated, and at the end of myself in order to be softened enough to hear God's gentle beckoning to me... to come clean, and come to Him for restoration. At this point, and only at this point, could I be formed into His likeness. Even after being softened, the work is not done. God allows you to be placed in the center of the 'potter's wheel' , that is, His will for your life. Being in the center of God's wheel takes trust, faith, and steadfast commitment. We, as clay, do not possess the ability to see what we will become, but only live in the 'here and now', knowing we are spinning, and that through this spinning, God is shaping us into beauty. This is why I love the analogy of being God's clay. We are lovingly shaped into His treasures, to be filled with His spirit, to reflect His heart, and to be held in His hands. It's wonderful to know that even though we that are delivered go through hardship, we are being shaped through the spinning chaos into God's beautiful creation.

Lord, make me like soft, malleable clay in Your hands. Though I may not see the end result, help me to know that You have it all planned out. You're shaping every detail. Though sometimes I feel like I'm in the center of a 'kiln', it's for perfection, for the sake of making me into who I'm supposed to be. Fill me up with your living waters, so I never thirst. Use me. Amen.